A few months back, David and I had the idea to do a bath boudoir shoot using a Lush Cosmetics bath bomb. We wanted to do this shoot quickly and get it out there, so waiting to find a model wasn't an option. I WAS GOING TO BE THE MODEL. We went to the store, purchased the bath bomb, and I prepared to make my modeling debut.
I have to admit I was a little nervous and very self-conscious. Even though it was just my husband taking these photos, having a camera on me made me feel exposed and vulnerable. I rarely like photos of myself, and my body is far from where I'd like it to be. I'm the girl who orders swimsuits online because going to the store and actually trying them on is pretty much the easiest way to ruin my day.
Even though I knew how I wanted the bath boudoir photos to look, I was feeling very self-conscious and needed guidance through the poses. David stepped up 100% and told me what to do and guided me through the poses. I can be a little controlling at times, so this was definitely a challenge for me. I felt so vulnerable about not only exposing my body, but also having a total lack of control over the photos. I like to be one the one behind the camera!!
Well when we finished the shoot and began sorting through the photos, I was shocked. I actually liked the photos. And I felt weird about liking them! And I'm not totally sure why. I think maybe I felt vain? Or maybe it's become so normal for me to feel dissatisfied with my body, that I forgot it's ok to feel good and proud of it.
David said we should make a blog post from the shoot - WHAT?! I freaked out a little. My first reaction was absolutely not. I am not putting photos of my naked body on the internet for the world to see. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to question myself for feeling that way.
I was literally shaking when I posted that blog post. I don't think I have ever felt so vulnerable. Were people going to like them? Are people doing to think I'm fat? Are people going to think I'm crazy for doing this? And then I felt mad at myself for being so in my head and so self-conscience about what other people think. I liked the photos. And even though I felt so apprehensive about it a larger part of me felt compelled to share.
I was shocked by the response I received. Everyone was so positive and showered me with compliments. I seriously couldn't believe it. But I guess more than anything, sharing those photos made me feel good about myself. I love that I was brave enough to put myself out there in such an exposed and honest way. And I'm proud of myself for accepting my body with all its flaws and imperfections, and learning to love it just the way it is.
So next time you're feeling terrified to do something. Be bold. Do it anyways.